Irrevocable
by SheWolfShaman
Summary: I can't tell him how sorry I am, she thought. What I said, I can never take it back... Raven and Beast Boy have always been at odds, and Raven has said some terrible things to Beast Boy. Now he's sick. Very sick. And there might be no time left for Raven to say something more. There might be no time left to take back her own terrible words. Perhaps some things are just irrevocable.


**(A/N) I got this in my head and couldn't really get it out. So, I did the only logical thing: hopped on the computer and began to write it. This will most likely only ever have one chapter, although it is the kind of thing where I might continue in the future. I really don't know. Just relax and enjoy the story!**

* * *

Raven stomped off, teetering on the edge of full-blown anger. It was dangerous to feel that way, but at the moment that was all she could feel. She was dripping with mud, covered in the brown sludge from that damn changeling's balloon. Every step she took brought a loud and uncomfortable squish inside her shoes. She kept walking though, not wanting to see his face anymore.

"Raven! C'mon, I'm sorry!" he yelled after her, following her through the hallways of Titans Tower. She could feel him grab onto her arm. "It was an accident! You know I didn't mean for that to happen."

She turned to face him, yanking her arm from his grip. "It happened though," she said, struggling to keep her voice monotone. "You let it happen." To emphasize her point, she swiped some of the mud from her face, splattering it over the floor.

"I'm sorry, Raven. It was supposed to be just a prank on Cyborg," he said. "Misfires happen, though."

"Maybe you should stop being so immature and quit your pranks," Raven replied, turning away again and continuing down the hallway.

"C'mon, Raven! It was an accident, a mistake!" he exclaimed, following behind her. "You can't stay mad forever!"

"Just drop it," she told him. "And leave me alone. I have to go clean off this gunk."

They were coming up on Raven's room. "Raven, listen to me!" Beast Boy said, putting a hand on her shoulder. That only made her more angry, and she didn't want to be angry. _Emotion is pointless_. She always chanted that in her mind when her emotions got the better of her, but it wasn't helping.

"Beast Boy, go away. You always do something like this. You are immature," she said, not facing him. "You mess up too often. You are an immature kid and need to grow up." _Just a few more feet to go until I get to my room_.

"Raven, tell me you hate me, then I'll leave you alone," he said, making her stop in her tracks, right in front of her room. The door was open. It would be so easy to just go inside and leave all this foolishness behind, but her feet were glued to the floor. She just stood there, staring at the door. "I won't bother you anymore if you tell me that you really hate me."

She whipped around to him. "I hate you," she said, her voice lapsing from its usual monotone. It held bitterness.

Beast Boy looked stunned. "Rae," he whispered, barely audible, but she was already gone.

She had gone into her room to shower, and he was left staring at the space in front of the door where she had just been standing. However, he soon left that behind.  
***

Dinner started out quiet. Starfire, Cyborg, and Robin spent the first ten minutes simply exchanging awkward glances between themselves, occasionally peering at their two teammates who were currently at opposite ends of the table. They both sat on the same side of the square table so they wouldn't have to look at each other. Raven held up a steady glare at her plate, while Beast Boy just fiddled his fork through his tofu. His expression was stunned, his eyes full of a lost look that was just sad to see.

Eventually, the other Titans started to talk, trying to fill in the silence of the aftermath of Raven's and Beast Boy's fight. They talked about anything to keep from lapsing back into the quiet - the weather, training scores, the baseball game on tonight, and some of the movies they planned on watching in the near future. They kept up a steady and loud conversation, but Raven and Beast Boy did not engage in it. They went unaffected, as if they didn't realize the others had begun talking at all.

_I can't believe I really said that,_ thought Raven._ I can't believe that I actually meant it._

She glanced up for a split second, just long enough to see that Beast Boy was still just moving his food around his plate with a miserable expression.

_He's done it one too many times,_ she thought. _He's been pushing me too much lately with all the pranks and stupid jokes and general annoying behavior. He needs to start acting his age._

Still, she couldn't help but glance up at him again. This time, though, when she looked up, she met his gaze. They looked at each other for half a second before they realized they were looking at one another, then averted their eyes from each other, but it was too late. Both had seen the battle going on behind the other's eyes. The damage had been done.

Suddenly, the entire room began to blink red, and a shrill alarm sounded throughout Titans Tower. The others looked up, their expressions hardened.

"Trouble!" exclaimed Robin. "Titans, go!"

As they rushed down to the T-Car, Beast Boy brushed past Raven's arm. They looked at each other one last time, but as they met each other's eyes, both of them were glaring. They didn't say anything as the car started up and began driving into town. They didn't look at each other again, and when they got there, they never acknowledged having looked at each other in the first place.

"Why is it we are at a laboratory for the animal testing?" asked Starfire when they ran inside.

There was an explosion somewhere in the building that rattled the floors and nearly sent Cyborg, Robin, and Beast Boy sprawling where they stood. Raven and Starfire looked at each other, before they all ran a bit faster.

"Chemical readings," Cyborg said, staring at the screen in his arm. "Looks like this guy's main weapon is science."

They burst through a heavy door, smashing through it because of the padlock. Inside, they were met with a dozen small explosions and clouds blocking their vision. Immediately in front of them were a dozen men in lab coats, all laying on the ground or slumped over tables, unconscious. There was a demonic laughter coming from within the clouds.

"Oh, I've merited a visit from the Titans," said the voice, acting as if he were pleased. "I'm sorry, but I'm not a very good host."

"Who are you?!" shouted Robin. "Show yourself!"

"Why would I do that?" asked the voice. "I'll not be leaving my weapons behind. Biology, chemistry, all forms of science, they all work to my advantage."

"Who are you?" yelled Cyborg.

The voice gave a laugh. "My apologies, Titans. I believe an introduction is in order," he said. "My name is IQ. It's good to meet you all."

"Can't say the feeling's mutual," Robin said. "Titans, go!"

"We can't see him, Robin," Raven told their leader. "We have to find him first."

"Then we better get moving!" Cyborg shouted, diving into the clouds. Starfire, Robin, and Beast Boy followed, and that was when the explosions truly began. Raven looked on for a second before flying into the fray.

Apparently this guys wasn't as good at hiding as it seemed. Almost like he wasn't trying. Cyborg was on top of him immediately, although the fog made it impossible to see him. It seemed as though IQ was more slippery than good at hiding. At least, it looked that way, because as soon as Cyborg caught up to him he was gone again. Starfire was the next to catch him, but he slipped away from her again. Robin engaged in blind combat briefly, but the man moved away again. It was almost like he was the actual fog, and his voice echoed through it like it was coming from the actual mist and smoke. There were multiple explosions, knocking all of the Titans back. When they got back up, a clapping sound echoed through the lab and all the fog was suddenly sucked into a little round ball. In the center of the room, a man in a white lab coat and white pants was left standing. He had white hair despite his young appearance, short and spiky. His irises were also white, only distinguishable from the actual whites of his eyes by a silver barrier. It was unnerving. This man was all white, no color at all.

"Big mistake, IQ," Robin said. "You just lost your camouflage."

IQ only smirked, while the Titans dove in for battle. "It's all perfect, really," IQ said while he dodged their attacks, as if it were just an ordinary conversation. "It takes some powerful ingredients for new discoveries in science. I steal some here, make a few cures for some diseases, then run off with the gold."

"The ingredients in this lab could kill people!" Cyborg exclaimed. "They wouldn't help anyone."

"Maybe, maybe not," said IQ with a shrug, stepping in front of some large tanks with a wicked grin.

Beast Boy transformed into a grizzly bear, charging at the scientist. Oddly enough, IQ did not move out of the way of the attack, but instead just stood there. Beast Boy charged even faster, but as he got close, it seemed as though IQ vanished into thin air. Above him was a cloud, and then the villain's voice echoed through the room again.

"This is a very interesting lab. It focuses on making vaccinations, although some of them don't turn out as expected," said the voice.

The clouds gathered into a tight package, transforming into the scientist, and the Titans' eyes widened. This man could transform into gas, then change back. Beast Boy whipped around, then charged IQ again. The villain dodged, leaping into the air and over Beast Boy's head. He landed on the changeling's other side, in front of the tanks again. Beast Boy charged once more, raking his massive paw and claws where the scientist was standing, but the villains simply turned into a cloud again. Instead, Beast Boy's claws ripped through the metal of the tanks, releasing a thick green gas that overtook the green changeling.

Raven watched as Beast Boy changed back into a boy, her eyes widening as he fell to his knees. She rushed down to Beast Boy as he slumped over, collapsing to the ground. He began to wheeze, and his eyes rolled back into his head as he struggled to take a breath.

"Beast Boy," she whispered, a fear she hadn't felt for a long time creeping into her voice.

"Can't… breathe…" he got out.

"Inside those tanks was a mistake this lab made while trying to find a vaccine for a virus," said the echoing voice of the scientist as his cloud hung above their heads. "It's a rapidly-acting mutated virus, harmless to most. It only affects someone with unstable DNA. According to what I've observed, it is also most often fatal."

Just like that, the cloud of IQ disappeared.

The Titans rushed down to their friend. They all knew about his changed DNA, how it was altered and made unstable. To put it the way Cyborg described it, Beast Boy's DNA could be considered less stable than a schizophrenic lemming on the edge of a cliff. Now, the green Titan was beginning to turn blue from lack of oxygen.

"He can't breathe," Raven said, trying to use her powers to heal him. She held her hands over him, the black spell enveloping his chest. He regained some of his color, but he still could barely take in a breath. "He needs an oxygen tank."

"Get him back to Titans Tower, now!" ordered Robin.

Cyborg and Robin picked up the teen, then began running. Their feet clunked over the ground, and each step made Raven shudder.

"What about the IQ?" asked Starfire.

"We'll have to worry about that later," Robin replied. "Beast Boy needs help."

"We're going too slow," Raven said, then took Beast Boy from Robin and Cyborg, flying above them before they could protest. "I'll get him back to Titans Tower. Starfire, fly with me and bring Cyborg. Robin, meet us back at HQ."

Raven didn't wait for them to reply, and she didn't care about their confounded expressions at her sudden position of leadership. She simply flew out the door of the building and began to go as fast as she could backs towards the Tower. After a moment, she heard Starfire flying behind her, and she assumed that Starfire was indeed carrying Cyborg. She didn't look back, though. She kept flying forward, trying to remain concentrated through Beast Boy's ragged breathing.

"Rae…" she heard him wheeze out, and she looked down at him as she flew over the city.

"It's okay, BB," she said, with her usual strong tone. She was doing everything in her power not to give into the fear that was trying to tear her down.

_Concentrate,_ she ordered herself, but she couldn't help but look down at Beast Boy. His eyes were fluttering, and he couldn't seem to focus his vision. His mouth was open, but the air that tried to come in kept halting and stopping, creating a gasping sound that made Raven flinch. He was turning blue again, and she watched helplessly as his eyes rolled back into his head once again._ Please be okay_, she chanted in her mind. _You can't die, not like this…_  
***

Beast Boy was hooked up to the oxygen tank, laying in the bed of the Infirmary wing of Titans Tower. Cyborg was alternating between standing beside Beast Boy and taking readings. At that moment, Robin burst through the doors and rushed up to them.

"How is he?" Robin asked.

"He's not doing well," Cyborg replied gravely. "That virus, it was almost alien. It makes no sense that it could have acted that quickly. Beast Boy breathed it in, and just collapsed."

"Maybe it wasn't just a virus," Robin said, looking at the monitors. "It's strange that IQ could have known what was in those tanks. I think he messed with it, added something to make it take affect immediately."

"I'll go back down there tonight and taking a chemical reading," Cyborg said, walking up beside Beast Boy. "I need to know as much as possible if I'm going to help BB."

Starfire looked up at Cyborg. "Friend Beast Boy will be alright, yes?" she asked.

Cyborg didn't meet her gaze. "I don't know," he said. "I did some tests. It's attacking his respiratory system. If BB can't fight this, his lungs are going to shut down. But that's not it," Cyborg said, causing each of them to look at him, waiting for the answer. "It's also attacking his nervous system. Hard. There's a real possibility he won't make it out of this."

Raven listened while Robin slammed his fist down on a nearby table, kicking a chair against the wall. Raven heard Starfire gasp and begin to cry, letting out choked sobs. She heard Cyborg slump down in a chair, heaving out a heavy sigh. But she kept her eyes on the bed, and the boy laying in it. Most of all, she heard the wheezes of her friend.

_This isn't happening. This can't really be happening. This is just another nightmare,_ she kept saying in her mind, trying to convince herself it was true. Raven, though, had always tried to be accepting of situations and instead of denying them, she always tried to work through them. Now, though, she was questioning whether she _could_ get through it.

Cyborg got to his feet. "He's breathing easier, now that he's got an oxygen mask. We need to have someone with him at all times, though, in case there are any changes."

"Cyborg, you and I have to go back to the lab to look for evidence," Robin said. "Starfire, you stay with Beast Boy. And Raven…"

He turned to where she had been standing, only to find her gone. He looked around the room, but she was already in the doorway. "I need to be alone," she said, then was gone.

She went to her room, which still had a few stains of the mud from earlier. The mud stood out to her now, and as much as she tried not to notice it, it was all she could see. So, she closed her eyes. She crawled into her bed and, not caring anymore that it was so unlike her, she collapsed into the covers and began to cry. She hadn't cried for such a long time, and she had never cried like this. They were the tears of despair, of guilt.  
***

Beast Boy spent several days struggling between life and death, with neither side coming out victorious. No one could deny, though, that Beast Boy was losing more and more strength every day, and they could do nothing but watch helplessly.

"We found chemicals added to the tank with the virus, but I don't know how to help him," Cyborg had said when they returned from the lab the first night. "There's nothing I can do."

The others saw the frail look in Beast Boy's motionless form on the bed, looking more frail each day. It seemed they were watching while their friend wasted away in front of them.

Raven sat there next to his bed on the fourth night. It was her shift to watch him, and she didn't take her eyes off him. She didn't want to acknowledge that the sickness was taking hold of the changeling, but she couldn't deny that his efforts to take in a breath were becoming weaker, and his eyelids were fluttering less often. She sat beside him, leaning on her elbows over the bed and burying her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Beast Boy," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Beast Boy didn't move, and the fact that he couldn't respond drove her to further guilt. Not just guilt, though. There was something else, too. Something unidentifiable.

"I'm sorry, Beast Boy," she said, closing her eyes. "I don't hate you." It was almost funny. She had always been so sick of his presence, and had always thought she hated him, but at this moment, she knew that it was different. It had never been like that at all. "I never hated you. Never," she whispered. "Never."

Once again, tears were slipping down her face. She didn't care, though.

"Don't die, Beast Boy," she said. "I never hated you, and I want you to be awake when I tell you that."

For a moment, all was quiet. All was calm, and perfectly silent. So silent, you could hear a feather drop. In fact, it was too silent. Raven registered the absence of the labored breathing, the wheezing that had been constant for the past few days. Raven's eyes widened. _No,_ she thought. _He can't be…_

She whipped her head up. Beast Boy was laying there, just the same as he had been for days, but one thing immediately registered with Raven as different. His eyes were open.

"Beast Boy," she whispered, a smile taking hold on her face. "You're alive."

"Where am I?" he asked, confused, slipping the oxygen mask from his face.

She pulled him into a hug. "You're in the Sick Bay," she said into his shoulder. She held him for a moment longer, before letting go. "You're awake. You're alive."

He scratched his head, no comprehension in his eyes. He glanced around the room, confusion growing in him. He looked at the monitors, the walls, the ceiling, the bed he was laying in. He looked at every inch, the confusion in his eyes increasing. Finally, his gaze landed on her.

"Who are you?" he asked. That question left her speechless, and all the happiness she had for his awakening vanished into thin air.

_"It's also attacking his nervous system."_

_The virus, it's attacked his brain._

"You don't know who I am?" Raven asked, not wanting to believe it. Perhaps Beast Boy was just joking around again.

"Should I?" he responded. His voice was completely serious, lacking his usual comedic tone.

_No,_ Raven whispered in her mind. _This isn't happening. This can't be happening._

She looked at him, stared at him, but he was looking around the room again with confusion.

_I can't tell him how sorry I am,_ she thought. _What I said, I can never take it back._

She had never thought about anything like this. She had thought about the world ending, she had thought about herself dying in battle with a villain, she had thought about the Titans being eradicated, but she never thought about this. She never thought she could say something and not be able to take it back. She never thought she could do something so… irrevocable.

_Irrevocable._

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**(A/N) So, I know it's kind of sad, but that was my idea for it. At least I didn't have BB die. That was my original idea, but I didn't really like it, so I used the whole memory-loss thing. I don't know if I'd continue with this, but there's a possibility. I feel like I say that for any one-shot I do. I don't know, I don't really like to leave a story as just a one-shot, even though I know some stories should only be one-shots. It's just that I've got a lot of other stories I want to write, so the one-shots I want to continue are pushed to the bottom of my story list. Anyways, I hope you liked it. It's review time!**


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